The Set Up...

In this posting I'm going to be discussing the danger in how we set up our daughters for heartbreak from the time she is a child.....

From the time that a girl is born she is given a doll to play with. From birth pretty much the concept of being a mother or taking care of a baby is ingrained into the minds of little girls across the world. We are taught to be care takers. 

Then at some point Barbie may or may not be introduced to a girl. If it is then the SET UP is in effect. Welcome to the world of Barbie! Whatever Barbie wants Barbie gets! If she wants accessories, different outfits, gadgets, friends, Men! She thinks of people and things the same way! The same way she buys new shoes or quickly changes a career is the same way she relates to her friends and the men in her life. Simply put whatever I mean WHATEVER or WHOEVER Barbie wants to live in her Barbie world is what happens. This is her reality.

Moving on... Ok so this is the problem with the "Barbie Syndrome" I HAVE it! One of my female friends recently sat me down and told me to write down my friends. I did that and then she asked me how often do I talk with my "friends". Then I said... Um when I want to. Then she laughed and said did you just hear what you said. I said yes... And... And then she said well even though you are a great person who has a HUGE heart. You are a terrible friend. I was flabbergasted! I was like wait! I'm there when people need me or whatever how dare she say I'm not a good friend. Then she said I have all the ingredients to make a wonderful friend cake but I'm missing a few key ingredients... Listening and being Considerate of the needs of others at times when I don't get any kind of emotional gratification. 

Simply put if I don't feel good about doing something for someone or if I feel like they are taking advantage of my friendship I immediately chalk the friendship up as a loss and move on to the next friend. Rather than working out the problem I just leave the issue entirely. This problem has even found itself in my relationship track record. The only thing that's different this time is that my BF recognizes this issue in me and helps me to recognize when I'm doing something inconsiderate. WOW.... right... All this time I thought other folks were the problem come to find out I am the common problem in my relationships and friendships. 

Basically the moment a person stops being an asset to me and starts to pull me down emotionally I Cut them off. Now this can be good and bad. Good in that I'm not allowing others to constantly allow others to rain on my parade. The flip side is that well there are some relationships and friendships that are worth fighting for! Wow what a concept! 

So this is hard for me to admit about myself but like every problem admitting is the first step to addressing the problem. 

In my defense I was raised to look for a certain type of Man to complete my Tasha's world Bubble! I was taught to desire men that look a certain way, graduated from certain educational institutions, belong to a specific religion and tax bracket. The problem is that all of this is one sided. I was essentially an emotional nickel looking for a dime! What a concept. I had the entire package basically except the heart to care! I had been hurt and disappointed to the point that I no longer felt that a Man or friend was worth any of my time or emotional space!

Having a heart of stone is a sad place to be. But I'm happy to say that now that I'm making my way to the other side of this storm I am becoming a better person one step at a time! As many of you know I obsess over being a mother! I know that everything happens in its season but every where I look my peers are pregnant or already have children. I don't worry about having a husband because I know God has already blessed me with my soul mate. So now I watch every toy commercial or diaper commercial with stars in my eyes just like a kid in a candy store. I have names, and outfits, and tutoring, and extra curricular activities already picked out for my future child. That's crazy I know... But in my defense I didn't just land on the planet this way! I was made to believe that I would NEVER be complete as a woman until I became a wife then a mother! 

My biggest struggle is dealing with my friends that are single mothers who are stressed out about their situations who look at their children with regret in their eyes. Who feel like their childhoods were stolen because they had to put the needs of their children before themselves. I have to suck it up and just be there for them and listen to how they can't stand their wild, misbehaved children. I am there to rock the babies to sleep or to get them to eat healthy foods rather than just crackers and cheese. I am there to introduce them to fruits and veggies and to Veggie Tales and Dora the Explorer or to just reading! I'm showing them how its the simple things. If the girls see you as a Mom reading then that's what she will do because she wants to be just like her Mom. 

I'm the one to show them how to have family worship! How to teach their children to fold their hands and pray. How to say the blessing before they eat and prayers before bed. It's me that does all this and why! Well because I get the emotional gratification of lending a helping hand and then I get to feel like I'm helping which makes me feel great! I get to spoil their children as if they were my children and learn what works and what doesn't with them. I know I have so much to learn but hey. I'm willing to learn from other mothers women who have been their and are still doing it. I am reading the parenting magazines, books, blogs, and all of the above. 

I am learning to well be myself and be content with where I am in life rather than always feeling the need to get the newest it thing! That's a concept for me because I LOVE and crave having the new it thing be it a new accessory, purse, or gadget, or sexy Man. God blessed me with a Man who not only is physically pleasing to my eyes but one who understands the growth that I am doing at this point in my life and is willing to have patience with me while I go through all of my many transitions! I pray that God will continue to reveal to me my issues so that I can work towards becoming closer and closer to His image rather than just going through life wondering why I'm alone and isolated. The reason why I often find myself alone is because I now realize I've pushed everyone who cared about me away from me when I was faced with a challenge because I was trying to protect my heart and keep myself from being disappointed.... 

I'm learning and growing at a fast rate... It's true what they say about the 20's being the time of self discovery... Well I'm doing lots of that at this time but I'm also taking a harsh look in the mirror and realizing that there is much left to work on in regards to not only my relationships but mainly the motivation behind my actions....

Then there are the "Gold diggers" or "Hood Rats". Here's my thoughts on these two generalizations. I feel like Gold diggers are simply educated women who have standards who won't settle for broke men. Then the Hood Rats are those women who haven't had the chance to become educated by books but life experience has been her only teacher. These women have been smooth talked by a silver tongued Man with "game" who has talked them right out of her Victoria Secret PINK panties that she got on sale. All the while all her dreams are shattered! She feels like she will never measure up or get any man worth having because now she had not one but several children out of wedlock! All she wanted was her very own Ken Doll to buy her the world, a man who would support, listen, and be the head of her heart! But instead she ended up with a temporary Buzz and a life growing from within that will one day walk in her mother's same footprints unless SOMEONE anyone decides to BREAK the Cycle of brokenness, pain, and emotional despair....  

Where I have options and have the freedom to grow and express myself for fun these women are left to beg, borrow, and spread their legs to get what they have to get for their children. On her face she wears a smile but inside she is a broken woman a woman whose only desire is to be loved and cherished. But instead of waiting for the right Man to find them she feels forced to accept the physical and emotional abuse of her baby Daddy while she works two jobs at minimum wage. The man who beats her and makes her to feel less than a human these are the only arms she had to run to when times get rough. 

Her family has turned their backs on her. The church doesn't reach out to her and her children are left to watch the tears roll down her cheeks as she just tries to swallow her pride by giving up her body so that she can get what she needs to get by from a man who has no hope who steals every smile and glimmer of hope she has in herself. The girl who was once filled with dreams and aspirations is now a shadow of her former self. She is a beautiful shell empty on the inside. There isn't a glimmer of hope or sparkle of hope in her eyes. When you look into her eyes all you see is pain, sadness, and regret. All she wanted was love but now she has to self medicate herself with drinks and drugs to quiet the voices of reason in her mind that tell her she deserves more she deserves better. 

Hm.... food for thought... 

A love so deep...

Church: Praise Fellowship SDA

Location: South Bend, IN

Song: We Cry Holy He is the Lamb

Speaker: Pastor Irwin Larrier

Key text: Is. 53:1-12 and Matthew 24

Sermon points that I thought were Key:

Tsunami was used to illustrate the troubles that build up in our lives then come crashing down on our families, church communities, and just our lives period.

God doesn't just order our steps. God in His mercy packed my hand bag and put in it my pad of paper so that I could take notes at church then gave me enough presence of mind to actually have the desire to come to church then to not just come to church but to attempt to get something from the service.

We as a church have forgotten the Man Jesus and who He is to us and our Salvation.

Is. 53:1-Who would believe?

Jesus was willing to suffer for you and I.

We need to understand and study what Jesus actually experienced when He was going through His darkest days of tribulation for my sins and yours.

Character Assassination: What Jesus experienced from the entire Jewish Community and most importantly His Family and Friends to killed the Character of Jesus.

*This concept was especially meaningful for me because I'm often so consumed with what others believe and perceive of me in regards to my relationship with God. I feel this way because for so many years I tried to live according to what was EXPECTED or rather Demanded of me in regards to my lifestyle. I refuse to do anything that isn't authentic. Meaning if I wear my ear rings during the week then I will wear them to church or where ever. I feel this way because I have finally come to grips with the concept that my church family can't put me in Hell. I finally understand that Salvation is a GIFT from God that I can choose to accept. I no longer have to seek the approval of my family, church members, or church leadership. However, because I am attempting to die to self that requires some pain. With any growth there is pain that comes along with that change. For the first time since leaving Andrews University I didn't wear any ear rings to church. This was very significant for me because I am a rebel by nature. I had to come to grips with the fact that my musical talents are a gift from God. Therefore I have to put aside self for the purpose of ministry. WOW what a concept to actually apply to my life. I realized that while my ear rings might be cute they could be a stumbling block for the youth being that some of the young women look up to me. BUT I am a working progress and I embrace my Spiritual Journey! The bible reads: "What God has begun in Me, He is FAITHFUL and Just to complete." Therefore, there's no since in me trying to change me! Paul says in Roman's that He dies daily. Well daily isn't enough for me I need to die moment by moment because all it takes is a moment for me to walk off of the "road less traveled."

*Being that I have been touched with CHARACTER Assassination from the CHURCH, my FAMILY, and others well you might be able to understand why this concept really spoke to me. Simply put, if Jesus Himself was called a lier and all of the above who am I to expect different for myself being the lowly wretch that that I am according to the words of Paul in the Bible.

To be fare, there have been times that I did live totally contrary to what I knew was right BUT now that I am trying to live according to what I know the DEVIL uses members of my family and to be honest church members to come to tell me things like, "Why are you wearing that BRIGHT lipstick to church, or why is your nail polish so Bright, or why are the hills of your shoes so high, or why is your skirt so tight." Rather than saying, "Good morning sister Happy Sabbath, I'm glad that you made it to church this sabbath." In my experience, people would rather me FAKE my Christianity and relationship with God in regards to my appearance than being concerned with my soul salvation and the the work that the Holy Spirit is doing on my heart.

-Read Mark 14:32-35

When we understand that when facing hardships that Jesus craved the support of His closest friends the 12 disciples. Then understand that they slept rather than prayed then I can start to understand why Jesus can truly understand my inner pain and struggle as a Christian living in 2010. Jesus really understands what it means to be CUT off from one's family or to be shunned because of past transgressions.

Although Jesus Himself never sinned like me and all of Human Kind I can find comfort in the fact that His love for me is so great that He died for me while I was YET a sinner! Wow that bible text applies to me!

John 3:16-17: I put my name in the text so that I could see the significance of what God did and is still doing on my behalf!

For God so LOVED (Natasha) that He gave His only Begotten Son. That who so ever believes Him should not parish but have ever lasting life! For God sent not His Son to condemn (Natasha) but that she might be saved!

If we as Christians really believe that Jesus took our place on the cross then our lives should reflect the acceptance of this truth and the evidence should be seen in our lifestyles.

No amount of Human Blood could have saved us from Sin and damnation its ONLY the BLOOD of Jesus that makes Salvation possible and attainable.

Every time we sin we separate ourselves from God but then the BLOOD of Jesus comes to cover us and then God can accept us. This is the system that was created and put into place for you and I.

Barabbas-Modern Day Terrorist

Had Barabbas lived in this day and age he would be like a Terrorist.

There are times God had to slap us to get us out of the way so that He can save us.

There is no since in punishing a sinner because we already feel like we are unworthy of anything good. When you start to truly understand the context of what was truly happening in the familiar Bible story of Jesus and Barrabbas then and only then will we begin to understand what Christ actually did for you and I. The fact is Barabbas knew that he was guilty however when the crowed kept saying

Crucify Him he might have thought that the crowd was talking about him then he realized they were talking about Jesus. Wow...

Jesus for you and I was betrayed by family and friends. Jesus for you and I was falsely accused, beaten with in an inch of His life, wiped, and encountered other physical torment for you and I. But it was the spiritual separation that truly hurt the heart of Jesus. During His entire life He had cultivated a CLOSE bond with is Father (Abba) our God. But because He took on our Sin He for the first time in His life experienced the separation that happens when we choose sin. Jesus became SIN for you and I and gave Himself totally for our sins so that we could have the opportunity to choose to give our lives over to God. Then God in His mercy allows the Blood of Jesus to cover our sins so that we can be called the children of God and accept the gift of salvation made possible only through the BLOOD of Jesus. 

*Morality won't save us ONLY our RELATIONSHIP with God.

Salvation is God's thought it did not Originate with us.

God can see our need for a Savior and that's why He reaches out to us with His Son Jesus and asks us will we accept the sacrifice of my Son for your sins. Or will you continue to reject my Son's BLOOD for your sins. How long will you reject me and the gift of life, abundance, peace, and happiness, that comes only through accepting?

All we need to do is to choose Jesus and step into the grace because God identifies with our sin condition.

*Read John 3:16-17 Again*

Jesus came down to FIX the SIN problem.

This is my prayer: God grant me the grace to endure until you bring me though to my breakthrough. -Amen

May God bless all who take the time to read this. Pass this along to your friends and I pray that everyone who reads this will feel what I felt when I was typing it this morning. Again, all comments and feedback are appreciated. Thanks for reading!

***LIGHT is NICE but MOCHA is IN BABY***







I'm going to be very honest and write about one of the biggest insecurities that I have about myself. It's my BROWN Mocha skin. To understand my mindset you have to go back to the origins or my mindset or worldview. Ok, lets start at worldview... My worldview is the result of my grandparents for the most part. So starting with my Dad's side. His Mother is HIGH YELLOW or what was considered COLORED! His Dad was MOCHA hailing originally from the Beautiful Island of Trinidad! On my Mom's side there's my Grandma who is Milk Chocolate or MILK MOCHA. Then my Granddad on my Mom's side is also Milk Chocolate or MILK MOCHA hailing originally from New Orleans. Now you must know that in the cultural environment that I grew up in I figured that EVERYONE came from a similar background or that everyone was just as culturally diverse as myself! WRONG....

So I grew up in a family and a CITY that always felt that LIGHT and BRIGHT was just right. So being that I clearly am not Bright or light I always felt less than... Especially at certain family gatherings... Moving on to my years at Andrews University I discovered for the first time that my BROWN SKIN was something that was unique, beautiful, and yes me I was Hott even though I wasn't BRIGHT! You have to understand this was quite a concept for me! Even though my immediate family especially my Dad and Mom tried to in steal in me that it was what was inside that mattered most I secretly HATED the skin that I was born in. I used to stare at my Light Cousins and think to myself GOD WHY wasn't I born that way... WHY did my Dad have to genetically pass down the BROWN SKIN to me...

I'm clearly other with that stage for the most part but I still sometimes have insecure feelings about myself and my beauty because well I've been brainwashed from childhood to believe that if I marry light then that would be JUST right! So I used to gravitate towards any guy that fit the BILL I thought the BRIGHT light BOYS was were it was especially genetically speaking! I wanted to insure a BRIGHT future for my future children so I looked for LIGHT guys you know the Pretty Boys!

The BIBLE says then when I was a child I spoke as a child and so on.... But NOW I am a GROWN WOMAN who has lived long enough to learn a few things. First of all I have nothing against my light BROTHERS I think that they are still Hott and fine as ever! HOWEVER.... I now KNOW that men who are BLESSED with that DARK Chocolate Skin have had to overcome challenges, barriers, and challenges that other light skinned guys haven't had the opportunity to experience at ALL. So don't get me wrong while the light Men are nice to look at and will guarantee you a baby that I can use baby oil and water to slick back the hair is great. The thing is I know how to do corn rolls but TRUTH is I didn't want that to be my only alternative and I'm defiantly not going to relax any of the curls or kinks out of my future child's hair! I'm going to teach her that her beauty comes from God and from her family history!

I gravitate towards men like my Dad. Men who are street smart but who have turned their lives over to God! I like Men who have been though a struggle because that makes me feel safe! I felt the safety and security and just presence of my Dad growing up. I saw how the women looked at my Dad back then with all his DARK SKIN and all his LONG Black Hair! As the girls say now days... THAT'S what's up! It's totally contrary to EVERYTHING for a Black Man my Dad's Completion to have LONG hair BUT hey... Thanks to a mixture of culture I have been blessed and not CURSED with my hair and with my DAD'S MOCHA Skin! My Boo just like my Dad has countless skills and knowledge! He's had to learn by living life and my experiencing pain and rejection from those that he loves most... HIS FAMILY... It might be hard to read but it's the TRUTH... As they say the TRUTH HURTS... This is one of those times...

My Baby like my Dad has made it against all ODDS he is making his place and taking his stand in his family, community, and in my life. Sure he has some scars from life but I love those scars because I know and understand what he's had to deal with first hand from what I saw my Dad experience when he went to the bank for example. Or when my Dad got harassed by the police simply because my Dad was driving while BLACK in NICE cars in certain neighborhoods in the Metro Detroit area. And like my Dad he has had to endure the constant negativity of EVERYONE from his family to his so called homies... He is a stronger Man because of what he has had to overcome and that's one of the many reasons why I love and support him so deeply. Yes it might have made more since for me to fall in love with someone who was similar to me in background or religion but the fact is that's not who I fell in love with. The men in the church while nice, they didn't step up to the plate...

So Hey all I can say is that THEY missed out on the woman that I am and the WOMAN that I'm going to become! It's not my job or my role to look for a MAN its the job or role of the MAN to first seek God then SEEK after a WOMAN. So for all those who question my loyalty to my Man or who think I could be living a better or easier lifestyle all of them NEED to recognize that I am happy and I am at PEACE within. So I honestly don't care about what others think when it comes to my heart. Those people have NEVER walked in my shoes and weren't there when I had to cry myself to sleep. Feelings of constant rejection, the idea of never EVER measuring up no matter how many accomplishments it's NEVER enough... So all of those people can... well no need to go there I'm sure you can understand where I could go with that but I won't. Especially those who have done me wrong in the past. Yes the past is the past but I'm FAR from stupid so the decision of my future marriage and life I'm praying about and seeking God. I choose to believe that when EVERYONE else turned their BACKS on me with their words or their actions God sent a Dark Skinned Angel by the name of Freeman Smith to come and rescue me from the badness, self doubt, and emptiness that I was back then... But hey that was then this is now...I NO longer am ashamed of my skin! I embrace it totally!!!

So if you look at the EBONY magazines that I posted you will notice that I a few of the men are EXCEPTIONS to the LIGHT skinned RULE which is in my mind soft pretty boys who have no since and womanize.... Clearly our President... President OBAMA is about his family, his money, and running the country! So as you can see he picked a Beautiful, Strong, Ambitious, Dark Chocolate Sister as his WIFE and now she holds the title of not only FIRST Lady of his heart but also FIRST LADY of the NATION! Get this she is a Mocha Woman such as myself!!! So enough said... Like I said Light in the minds of many will ALWAYS be right BUT in my eyes "THE DARKER THE MOCHA the Hotter the Person"! So next time you look at a person who is Mocha think to yourself about all the barriers they had to overcome and in my case achieve by the grace of God!

No matter what color you are my point is that you should love the SKIN that you were born in rather than being embarrassed or ashamed....

All comments are appreciated!

Love you,

The ONE and ONLY Mocha Chick who isn't afraid to speak up and demand respect!

A love so deep...

See the love I have for you is deep. Just looking at Me you might guess that I've always had a date... but see I never had a mate. 

From that first date I thought wow God is this fate.. Was I put on this earth to be your lover, partner, and soul mate... I don't know but I feel the power that we create when we enter a room. 

I enhance you and you enhance me too.. Is this what I was always missing, always craving to feel? It's almost like you didn't see the layers I'd built around my heart to keep from being hurt the things that had made me feel so insignificant. 

But with you I know I am blessed and highly favored! The Bible says, "Blessed is he who finds a Virtuous Woman"... I just want to take the time to thank you for finding me, motivating, and encouraging me when no one else could or would. 

Thank you for being the bridge between my dreams and reality. Thank you for allowing me to take a nap when I needed to rejuvenate! Lord knows, I'm ready to procreate, you stimulate me in so many ways without even a touch. Its the passion of love, and friendship that I see burning in your eyes when you look at me. 

Yes its that deep all those nights I spent weeping and to be honest creeping around in the dark hoping to be found. Hoping to be crowed Queen of a deserving man's throne. Thank you for never leaving me alone even when I pushed you away. I need you to know that I will always stay and never stray. 

The love I have for you, yes it's that deep it transcends time and space. Thank you for allowing me to take that seat in your life, I want to shout it from the mountain tops "I can't wait to become your wife"!

-With all my love,

Natasha 

Sermon Notes from New Life Church Service 10/30/10

Title: When God comes Down

Main Text: Genesis 11:1 Begins the story of the tower of Babel

Key Points:

-In the bible the illustration is given time and again when God's people separated from Him they traveled in the direction of East. For example when Adam and Eve were kicked out the garden of Eden they went east, when Lot separated he traveled east, when Cain wondered the earth after killing Able he traveled east. So its safe to say that for the sake of analogy when we as Christians separate ourselves from God we are figuratively traveling east or away from God.

-Sodom-Represents a sinful city a place where we as Christians run when we are trying to escape from the presence of God.

In biblical times walls and towers were constructed for one purpose which was defense. At the time of the building of the tower of Babel the inhabitants of the earth all spoke one language and were of one race human kind. So it was after the flood destroyed the earth that many of the people on earth were afraid of God. They felt that never again would they live in fear of God. 

Then the speaker asked us to think of what defense walls or towers are in our lives because we've built them to keep God out. 

Proverbs 18:10- We all are in need of security and and protection

We need to understand that in God we can find all the safety and protection that we need.

Ask yourself what are you willing to do for a name or for a title or identity? 

Isiah 66:22- Your name will last forever

When God comes down to inspect us what will God see in our hearts?

Love is hard for us to truly express because we are selfish.

When God comes down He will save those who accept His Gift of Salvation.

Don't let God have to confuse your life to bring about separation in order to save you.

I pray that you were blessed by the above words or inspiration. 

*** As always your feedback and comments are appreciated!

Status matters most to which sex...Women or Men...

Unfortunately I can only speak from the view point of a woman so I won't even attempt to write this from any other view than what I have experienced myself. I was listening to the radio this afternoon and the topic was: Who obsesses more over status and money Women or Men. So this post is in response to the commentary I listened to on the radio today. I also will give my own twist on the topic being that I have STRONG feelings on this topic being that I've experienced very harsh judgements from both men and women in regards to status. I think the above explanation is enough to give the foundation for what I'm about to share so here it is...

Well as a woman especially a woman of color who has practiced the craft of written and verbal expression via print, radio, web, and television Journalism I feel my insight might be slightly different than others who don't come from my background in journalism. That said, I must say in the dating arena which is what the focus of the radio show was today I think status matters just as much or more in a relationship when it comes to the woman. From my view, I'm often summed up as nothing more than a list of statistics that read: college graduate, skipped being a teen mother statistic, National Honor's Society of Communication Member, and Who's Who among Universities and Colleges award winner to name a few of my accomplishments. But I'm discovering that I'm so much more than just the above description. I am a WOMAN. I am a passionate, caring, motivated, opinionated woman of color who demands to be heard and understood!

I strive to make my communication as direct and colorful as possible. I want people to understand and relate to what I'm expressing so I take great care in the presentation of whatever I am attempting to communicate. I am often frustrated when people don't take time to listen to the complete thought that I'm trying to get across. I hate to be cut off in mid thought! So when I'm asked if I have children or not or what tax bracket I'm in when I'm out and about I quickly respond with well what difference does it make, You don't even know my name and you're asking about my personal matters and finances to decide if I'm worth pursuing! WHAT?! You would think that if he's willing to give me the third degree that he would have his affairs in order! Right... Well most of the time the answer is he doesn't have his life together but he EXPECTS me to be right on track in every area of life.

Its a total double standard in my opinion. For example its accepted in our society that men will go out and "sow their wild oaks" but then women are expected to live to a higher standard. It's the same with status I find. In my case men who see me at first sight usually immediately believe that I'm high maintenance. However I'd say that while I do require a certain level of living in regards to my lifestyle. The lifestyle that I live is largely made possible by my income and not that of my partner. Now that doesn't mean that he doesn't contribute to my lifestyle but that's just it he contributes not provides! I think there's a MAJOR difference. I would say that he enhances my finances by giving me the freedom to spend the money I earn towards monthly bills and whatever else I may feel is necessary for me to be happy.

For example I enjoy going to the spa twice a month when I get my manicure and pedicure. I also get my hair down weekly or bi-weekly depending on how it holds up during the week. Just because I enjoy some of the pleasures of life doesn't make me a woman who is high maintenance. In my view I'm a woman who recognizes and appreciates quality over quantity on any day of the week. For example I told him that if he plans on getting me any jewelry then it should be from Tiffany and Co only! I explained that while other jewelers may have less expensive pricing options however, I told him I don't want anything BUT Tiffany. So when he gave me my birthday gift and it was from Tiffany I was pleasantly rewarded for communicating directly my request rather than getting disappointed when he didn't meet my expectation that I had in my head. I think that the lack of communication is the reason why so many relationships are not successful.

Switching gears...

This is where my background in Journalism and Communication comes in. Now because of my chosen career path I have experienced a level of "status" that comes along with being a TV Personality. That means I've been invited and attended events where celebrities are as common as the oxygen that you're breathing right now. That said, it takes a lot to impress me from strictly a financial perspective and that's because I've been exposed to very affluent people and learned how they live and operate. For example I've noticed that people that have money don't think in terms of money when it comes to their lifestyle. They expect to be treated with the best customer service regardless of if they choose to actually purchase or not. They have an air of confidence that says they expect to be treated with respect!

Then on the other hand, from my observation I've noticed people that have a "hood mentality" have the perception that they deserve nothing but what they get. So if they are treated well they take it and if they aren't treated well they accept that as well. Being that I've been exposed to various social economic living standards I prefer to live according to a certain standard. Now that doesn't mean that I can't be content with less but it means that I'm working hard to make up the difference so that I can live according to what I want. One of my mentors told me that rather than decreasing my lifestyle I should increase my income by limiting my debit by investing...

So that's been my mission to make more money by having multi-streams of residual income. Hence, my Mary Kay Business! I enjoy building and cultivating my clientele and I've reached the point in my business where I've started to see the fruits of my labor meaning I'm getting reorders and referrals so its been an fulfilling to see my hard work start to pay off! There have been times when I got up in the morning to check my email to discover that while I was sleeping customers have made online orders! So to think that its possible to make money without being clocked in on a time clock is truly a feeling of accomplishment.

In summation I think status is equally as important to women as it is to men. Gone are the days when Men were the sole bread winners. In today's society, its almost required to have two incomes to have any type of stable household. Unless you happen to belong to the small segment of our society that's born with a sliver spoon or have worked to achieve a career that affords all necessities and there's still money left over to afford luxuries then more power to you! That isn't meant to sound negatively but the fact is most people won't ever be in the segment of people I just described. So I say work for what you want regardless of your sex and I feel God will bless your efforts if you put Him first in your life!

The above posting comes directly from my heart to yours... hopefully you can relate and feel the connection.... Thanks for reading as always! All comments and feedback is appreciated!

-Love always

Michiana Youth Federation Sermon Notes

Sermon Title: "The Living Dead"

Theme: Reignited for Christ!

Speaker: Pastor John Coaxum

Main Text: Mark 5:1-20 but mostly highlighted Mark 5:1-5

Each of us as Christians experience what the pastor called spiritual coma which is an existence where there is no passion or burning in our hearts for Christ and our relationship with God.

During this season of spiritual coma Christians might also experience what is described as a spiritual drought which is a period of time when one doesn't feel like reading the bible or praying or cultivating a daily prayer life or relationship with God.

There is a dangerous trend going on in Church's across the country and can be seen in congregations regardless of denomination or church affiliation, according to the pastor. The trend is that many church leaders are unfortunately emphasizing RELIGION or Doctrine OVER a Personal Relationship with God. He said the church sadly specializes in behavior modification rather than relationship cultivation as the motivating factor. Church leaders often unintentionally attempt to bind the youth in the chains of behavior captivity. Simply put, if there are no outward signs of sin then there must not be too many issues. But actually this idea couldn't be farther from the truth because our entire personal relationship with God is an "inside job".

However, once God starts to take control there will be evidence of this in our lives and it will be able to be seen through the fruits of our lives. Doctrine will never be a tie that binds one to God or the church. LOVE is the only motivating factor that has the power to keep us dedicated over time. The reason why the ideology of doctrine without relationship is so detrimental to the church, is because from the perspective of the pastor this is one of the major reasons why the YOUTH leave the church or don't feel welcome. He went on to say that the church should be viewed ALWAYS as a hospital. The very fact that there are church members in any church congregation is an open admission of the fact that we all have issues and are in need of constant grace and mercy!

My side comments brought on my the Sermon....

I personally was really glad to hear that I am not the only Young Adult church member that has come to the above conclusion. For YEARS I have felt unwelcome in my OWN church communities! I have felt pressured to confirm to life style standards and dress guidelines that honestly aren't reflective of my current spirituality or relationship with God. Therefore, I have taken what some may feel is a defiant stance in my walk with God. I NO longer CARE about what church members think about my spirituality because I've finally realized that NO ONE has a HELL to put me in but God Himself! So I'm not concerned any longer with what anyone thinks about me or my lifestyle or my personal relationship with God. I know this may sound like I'm upset or bitter about something. But I'm not. I'm just tired of appearing to live a double life. For years I attempted so much to "conform" to what I felt everyone expected of me that I totally lost my individuality along with my desire to even be apart of any church affiliation.

Sure I always loved the music ministries of various churches but that's as far as it went. I didn't pray and I didn't even try to cultivate any type of relationship with God. At that point in my life I had been disappointed by too many church leaders and family members who all CLAIMED to have such a direct connection with GOD yet their lives where a total contradiction to what they were preaching and attempting to shove down my "throat". I couldn't stand church people and to be honest there are still many that I can still do without. But I am so happy to report that the above mindset is being chipped away bit by bit by my new zeal and desire to work towards a more healthy view of the church and my overall relationship with God. I'm excited to wake up each day and have my private time with God and I'm beginning to enjoy going to church every Sabbath!

But there are still times when the words of some start to dig up some of the things that kept me away from the church BUT when I feel myself starting to allow others to influence my walk with God I simply separate myself from them until I'm strong enough to with stand their "christian criticism" of my life. I finally understand the bible text that says, "He who has begun a good work in me is faithful and just to complete it". Amen! Isn't that a BLESSING! All I have to do is submit to God each day and moment by moment when necessary and God will do the inside work on my heart, mind, and character! The key is I have to submit and follow the leading of the Holy Spirit when I'm convicted of issues in my life that God wants to address. So the process of Christianity isn't a DESTINATION its a LIFE Journey!

*Now back to the sermon!

The pastor said that many of us in our Christian walk are in need of the defibrillator of grace which represents the jolt that we each need at some point in our lives to bring us back to the passion that we once had for God and our relationship with Him.

***He said there are many members in the congregation that are in the middle of the church and the world but are no where close to Jesus! Wow... Deep right!

The central text of the sermon highlighted the encounter that Jesus had with the Demoniac which was a term used in biblical times to describe one that was demon possessed.

The pastor pointed out that there are a three things that make each of us venerable to demonic possession.

1. Being an Empty person

2. Being a Person who hasn't chosen to be on either God's or Satin's side

3. A lack of Passion for God

He went on to break down why each category above is at a high risk when it comes to demon possession. The reason why the speaker described the three categories is because he said he researched how one can become demon possessed or what could lead to a higher risk in this regard.

The reason why empty people are a good target is because obviously they are searching and looking for something. And the bible clearly says "The Devil is a roaring lion looking for whom he may devour" or "We wrestle not against flesh and blood but against spiritual wickedness in high places".

He went on to say that in the story of the demon possessed man the village people represents the church often times because rather than addressing the problem of sin we attack the person. He said the bible says that the village people bound him with chains but he broke out each time. He said the chins represent doctrine without love, or religion without relationship with God, or just sins in general. Rather than repeating the cycle of attempting to bind the man the pastor suggested a different approach which entailed allowing love to penetrate the life of the man.

In God there is true FREEDOM! God in His infinite wisdom allows us to have the freedom to choose Him actively day by day and moment by moment.

FACT: The Devil and his angels NEVER take a break or vacation or lunch break their 24 hour existence revolves around getting us to take our eyes off God for even a Moment. The Devil isn't a respecter of person just like God. Therefor the Devil offers EQUAL OPPORTUNITY to all humans. The Devil is REAL and he doesn't discriminate! The Devil doesn't mind sharing us with God because he knows if he has a part of our minds or hearts that God doesn't have ALL of Us!

FACT: "Our God is a Jealous God"! He isn't EVER satisfied with just a small part of our lives or our hearts. God wants us entirely! He desires to have all of our hearts!

FACT: Being a "good person" doesn't equal a good Christian. The bible says none is good but the father and all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God so that means EVERYONE including the CHURCH leaders! The good works that we do is done only when the Holy Spirit does it though us! In and of ourselves we are incapable of doing any good act. Because the bible says we are born in sin and shaped in inequity and its only through the acceptance of Christ death for our sins which causes one to die to self that we can ever attempt to do any positive act.

FACT: Darkness and light can't co-exist. By not making a decision for Christ we are choosing to take a stand for Satin by default because there is no MIDDLE ground there are only two choices two sides. Either the side of Christ and His side or the side of Satin and his side.

The demon possessed man in this story lived among dead people. The pastor pointed out that our circle of influences has a lot to do with the state of our spirituality. Simply put, if we surround ourselves with people who are dead on the inside we too may as well have one foot in a grave and one on a banana peal.

Finally, when Jesus saw the demon possessed man He saw a man first because when you read the text it points out that fact! Wow! Isn't it amazing that God sees us for what we can become and not what we are today. He sees our potential and is passionate about captivating our entire attention! Jesus sees beyond the sin to the heart! Wow...

So in regards to being empty or full of the wrong stuff there is a simple enough suggestion to address this problem which is to replace sin with obedience to God's will!

FACT: Sin is like cancer its self replicating.

I pray that all who read this are blessed! Please leave your comments!

Pearls and Velvet

Sermon Notes from Praise Fellowship October 9, 2010

Speaker: Irwin Larrier

Main text: John 4:1-10 The story of the woman at the well and the interaction she had with Jesus

Key points:

The story of the Samaritan woman was told in a very different way than I'm used to hearing. It was told from the perspective of the woman at the well. Basically the speaker used very descriptive and colorful language to depict the life of the woman and how she ended up at the well. He explained her life journey and told how she had disappointment after disappointment. Pointing out that she didn't just one day arrive in her predicament she arrived in her situation over approximately a 20 year journey. During that time she had her first marriage then divorced and she repeated the cycle over and over until she found herself in the situation where she was living with a man who she wasn't married to. Life had beaten this woman up to the point that her self worth was totally diminished not only in her eyes but also in the eyes of everyone she knew. She had a reputation so to avoid being around other people at the well she picked to go at the time she did. Also the speaker brought out that probably along her journey from her residence to the well she thought about the fact that none of her marriages had brought forth the fruit of children. So being childless was probably a sore spot for her especially in that day and age. While she still had hopes of a better life she had gotten so used to her circumstances that she didn't expect anything good for her life because life had crushed her faith.

The question was asked: What is christian fatigue?

Answer: Christian fatigue happens when we become content to be discontent with the circumstances of our lives to the point that we don't even look or try to change our situations.

This is where Jesus found the woman at the well! She was a broken woman who had become content with her discontent.

The speaker also highlighted the fact that marriage doesn't suddenly cure a relationship of issues. In fact he said in many ways marriage complicates or intensifies the issues couples may have prior to marriage.

We as Christians need to realize that when God is in our lives the problems we face aren't problems...we ARE the problem. We are so often concerned with our issues that we aren't able to appreciate where God has brought us from and where He's trying to take us.

Jesus is NOT the answer, Jesus is the SOLUTION!

Each of us are losing the battle against sin in our private lives.

Building blocks represent our character and worldview. The goal of the enemy is to destroy the building blocks of our lives so that we aren't able to build a strong foundation in Christ.

The building blocks of our lives are damaged by the following:

dysfunctional family environment

hate

despair

disappointment

bitterness

sexual sin

drugs

alcoholism

intemperance

The above issues are just a few examples of how the blocks of our lives become broken.

In the story of the woman at the well its easy to understand how her self worth was diminished to the point that she believed she didn't deserve any better than her situation.

Her personal moral struggles had chipped away slowly over time and had left huge emotional wounds.

The beautiful thing is that even in the state she was in Jesus embraced her in love, affirmation, and support!

We need to remember that Jesus created us in HIS image! Meaning that Jesus has put his image into me. But because of hardships we have forgotten we were made in God's image!

WOW! I thought that was deep... Let that marinate in your mind....

God knows that there is nothing good to build on in me BUT He still loves me and wants to rebuild not just the blocks of my character but me as a woman. God wants to restore me to being a reflection of HIS image!

In this day and age many of us have fallen into a pit of sexual sin according to the speaker.

He said we have wrong sexual programming! Meaning God designed us as individuals to connect sexually with ONE person. He explained that there are more than just physical things happening during sexual intercourse. There are physiological, emotional and spiritual effects of sexual sin. He went on to describe how the mind releases a chemical during sexual intercourse that allows us to connect to one's partner in a deeper way. The release of the chemical is done involuntarily that's why it can be so detrimental to one's character when sexual sin is happening.

Then the analogy was given of a pearl and the process that the speck of sand has to go through in order to become a pearl. He likened us as women to pearls and in the analogy he said that men represent cloth. But not just any cloth velvet. Hence the title of the sermon. He said in our lives God's plan is to take me where I am and refine me into what He desires for my life. In this illustration he said that men if they allow God in their lives they will become refined as fell and be smooth. The reason for the illustration is to show that the pearl can't be velvet and velvet can't be a pearl. Pointing out that each of us has specific roles in life in regards to relationships. So the speaker said it is the role of velvet to polish and display the pearl that God has designed us as women to be. And we as women are to allow our husbands to support us and allow God to use that man to refine us even more through a healthy relationship.

He said that many of us as women don't have velvet men in our lives because God is still working on us and if we had the velvet we wouldn't appreciate it or worse we would wreck the blessing!

To be clear Women represent the Pearl and Velvet represents Men. And this is because both materials have distinctly different roles and harsh processes to endure before reaching maturity.

He challenged men to adjust their priorities and worldviews when it comes to their dealings with women.

Another important point is that no matter what hardships I or any of us as women experience we need to realize that in God's eyes we are each valuable and we are still PEARLS!

When God restores or allows us to experience hardships I need to understand its only to make me be a better vessel for Him!

Further more Jesus is the TRUE Velvet! He alone is the one who has the ability to polish away particles of sin that have accumulated in our lives.

Also it was brought out that there is an idea in Adventism that SDA's have a monopoly on heaven! But the speaker said this idea couldn't be farther from the truth. The story of the roman solider who had his daughter healed by Jesus was told to illustrate how someone "outside" the church is viewed in the eyes of God!

Jesus after healing the child said to his followers that he hadn't seen that much faith in all of Israel. So to bring the illustration to today the speaker wanted us as a church to remove the idea of superiority from our complacent mindset. He went on to say that Adventism is a flavor of Christianity and other religions are different flavors. That is why the bible states that Jesus has sheep in MANY flocks! However it is my belief that God has called me to be the flavor of Adventism because He has called me for a special work. We as SDA's need to understand that not everyone is called to be our flavor! However, we also need to understand that different flavors have different worldviews which affect the way in which we live and see the world.

Today each of us had the opportunity to choose to become the Pearls and Velvet pieces that God intended us His children to be. So there is no reason to remain disillusioned by hopelessness or ones past!

My prayer is that the notes from todays message touches your heart! Be blessed and thanks for reading!

Acceptance vs. Approval

*Exploring the dynamics that occur between parents and adult children and the shift from childhood, to teenager, to adult...

I am choosing to write on this topic because its one that near and dear to my heart. There is a vast difference between APPROVAL and ACCEPTANCE. I'm going to be addressing these words within the context of parental relationships. I want to emphasize that my feelings on this topic are in no way a reflection of my relationship with my parents. However, I felt driven to write on this topic so here it goes...

For some reason people I feel are confused by my pleasant, easy going nature. They feel that my character or personality disposition makes me some how an easy target for words of life direction. My frustration is that even though these older adults might feel that they are giving me sound advice they don't give it like advice. They mostly give what I would characterize as criticism but it wouldn't be in the positive characterization. So I'm often baffled at the nerve of people to tell me how they think I should live my life. Now I'm not one to subscribe to the ideology that I know it all. However I am of the opinion that unless I ask for advice then I don't feel its necessary to get advice.

Also, I find myself quite speechless when people want to give me advice on a particular area that I feel they have no expertise in. For example, people LOVE giving me relationship and financial advice. But these same people with all the "advice" to give their life doesn't reflect the "wisdom" that they are in fact trying to impart to me. So yea, I'm often like what do you look like... being over weight giving me advice on health and wellness!

Its especially frustrating when dealing with loved ones on this touchy topic because for some reason family members often feel like they have the right to say whatever to you because they are family. I often find myself biting my tongue to keep from being disrespectful to my elders. I am amazed at how often people with all types of personal life issues are the ones usually to willing to give their opinion on how you should live your life. I mean don't get me wrong I appreciate when I am warned of potential pitfalls but my issue occurs when the topic is still pursued even when I have clearly communicated that I personally don't foresee my "situation" to be a "pit fall". That's when I become frustrated because I'm thinking clearly we aren't going to agree on this particular topic so stop beating me over the head with ideologies that are contrary to what I believe and have found to be true in my life.

There was a time when I earnestly sought the approval of my parents. However, now that idea has totally shifted. I still respect them as my parents but I no longer seek their approval I simply want their acceptance. I can't tell you the last time I truly felt loved and accepted by my family. I often feel that if I live my life in accordance to what they may feel they want me to then I have their approval for a short time. But its short lived!

My problem is that until recently I was truly bothered by the fact that not everyone in my family approved of me and my life decisions. But now I've come to embrace the concept that I can't make everyone happy. Nor do I want to attempt to make everyone happy. I am 27 years old and just now discovering how to become totally comfortable in my own skin and confident in my decision making process. Sure I make mistakes from time to time. But who doesn't! My thing is this just because I choose to live my life in a way that one might not approve of that doesn't mean that my life is in contradiction to what God's plan is for my life. I get so tired of others telling what God has told them in regards to how I should live or operate a particular area of my life. I often think to myself well if that's the case why doesn't God come and tell me about such and such. Why would he send a person who has never been in a nurturing successful relationship to give advice to me on relationships?

I'm also tired of others portraying or projecting themselves to be "oh so holy" in their lifestyle. Like they've been there all their lives when in fact they were a wild youth then teenager then young adult. But then suddenly they have a turn around spiritually then they want to shove down my neck how I should live. I personally think that's CRAZY to put it mildly.

Also when I ask for advice that doesn't mean that I haven't already come up with a solution to the issue. In most cases, that means I want to compare my conclusion to your advice to see how much of a similarity there is.

I feel that I'm learning so much about myself at this time in my life and I'd appreciate the space from everyone to continue on my journey of self discovery!

2010 BSCF Alumni Sabbath Sermon Notes

Topic: Heaven

Sermon Title: "Living in Anticipation"

Before I delve into the notes I took on the sermon I want to take a moment to speak about the sermon presentation. It was refreshing to see a new approach to their sermon. The husband and wife team spoke together from the podium. I felt that this captivated my attention as well as the attention of those in attendance being that it was just different from the norm. I was engaged because I'm always fascinated about getting information from as many sources as possible. So to get the sermon topic from both the male and female point of view and also from their perspectives as husband and wife really spoke volumes about their collective passion for each other and the topic.

Speakers: Baldwin and Pollyanna Barns

Life is all about relationships and what roles they play in our lives; be it our relationship with God, parents, spouses, relatives, friends, co-workers, and associates.

When you know that something important is about to happen you live your life in a state of preparation of the big event be it a wedding, funeral, trip, or even project deadline.

Heaven is a literal place and we need to think of it as such because then the way we live our daily lives will begin to reflect our belief.

There are a series of questions we as Christians should be asking ourselves as we get closer to the second coming of Christ with each passing day.

The questions are as follows:

• Am I living in anticipation or expectation of Heaven?
• Am I living in anticipation of the second coming of Christ?
• Have I taken time to envision my life in Heaven?
• Who is it that I need to be in my daily life here on earth so that I can receive the gift of salvation?
• Can I start now to live in an existence of true love and acceptance of everyone with whom I come in contact?
• What is it that will make Heaven real to me in a tangible way that will effect the way I live my daily life?
• Now if we look at our lives are we living in a way that reflects our destination being Heaven which should be the ultimate destination for a Christian?
• Have I thought about what it would be like to live with everyone in Heaven forever in a continual state of Joy and happiness?

There is something about living in anticipation. The story was told of a mother in law who was planning her trip to the Islands. For months she shopped and prepared, and packed so that she would be ready when the time came for the trip. There was no detail that was overlooked. Finally, the day came for the departure and so much anticipation had been built up that she wasn't able to sleep the night before. So on the day it was time to go she got dressed and fixed breakfast and then took her seat in the living room with her luggage. Now the departure wasn't for several hours but she had lived in such a state of expectation that she was ready well in advance.

Have we stopped to actually envision what it will actually be like to live without limitation?

We as Christians should be living in the state of mind of the future in this present day in age.

The reason why its important for us to envision Heaven as a real place is because we need a motivating factor to help put "a fire" under our bottoms.

We as Christians need to find something about Heaven that thrills us to the point that our life will transition from earthly issues and concerns to Heavenly blessings and pleasantries.

It is interesting to realize that even our very best efforts here on earth are so narrow and limited in comparison to the endless abilities we each will have once we get to Heaven.

1 Corinthians 13:12 Brings out the point that now we see things through the mirror of our own individual limited understanding.

Its hard to even understand the concepts of what it will be like to never grow old, never sleep, never have to use the bathroom, never get tired, never run out of time, never experience sadness, pain, sorrow, or death.

Our lives should reflect that fact that:

*God is real

*Jesus died on the cross so that salvation from our sins was possible

*Heaven is a real physical place

An interesting fact: Did you know children are programmed to be negative being that the word they hear the most during their entire childhood is no.

We need to allow God's light to take away the shadows of sin in our lives.

We need to also understand that we here on earth can begin to dwell in heaven by living by the principles of the God we serve.

It should be our goal to practice living in a state of authenticity.

Imagine for a minute if everyone who is close in your life could read your thoughts. Would the things you thought about them be positive or negative?

In Heaven even our thoughts will transform from the negative state they were in prior to translation.

Ephesians 4: 29-32 Speaks about the importance of not speaking unwholesome words. Some bible translations of this text go so far as to challenge us to not allow corrupt communication to come out of our mouths.

The speakers used the analogy of our bodies being a golden bowl to represent the temple of God. Now the question was asked what type of fruit do you want to be in the bowl. Do you want to be a golden bowl that is full of rotten, dirty, bug infested fruit? Or do we want to be a golden bowl that is full of luscious, ripe, juicy, delicious fruit? Well the words we speak are either good or bad fruit in this analogy.

When we put all this into prospective we will begin to appreciate the fact that our lives will alter by default when you begin to remove the negative fruit from our lives.

There are some tips that we can do to start living here on earth in anticipation of living in Heaven.

• Have family worship
• Get connected with God everyday through some type of devotion or bible text
• Work on developing an active thriving prayer life
• Eliminate bad foods from our diet that are hindering our health so that we can have a clear mind to communicate with God
• Develop a functional relationship with God

When I am connected with God great things will happen in my life and in the life of others who come in contact with me.

God's power will flow though our lives in a tangible way if we are connected to Him. So there will be evidence of our spiritual connection to God in how we live.

How many of us have our suitcase ready for when Jesus comes again? Suitcase representing our character because that's the only thing that we will take with us to Heaven our character and personality.

Our salvation is sure we need to live in anticipation of the fulfillment of the greatest gift which is the gift of life and salvation made possible through the death of Jesus on the cross!

If that isn't good news then I don't know what is....God bless each of you who took the time to read this post!