I come BOLDLY before the LORD in prayer...

Lord, I'm sick of all this pain and stress.

I need you to help me... To mend my strain...

Sometimes I just want to seek earthly gain but

I know that road only leads to destruction...

I've been there and done most of that. I am still

here, even though there is a tear rolling down my cheek... I try to meek and humble. But I often live in this mental bubble or rather a jail sail...

If you see me you may think wow she's beautiful, smart... But if you continue to look you will start to see that even though my image at first glance is pretty I have many imperfections.

I am trying to allow God to make the necessary corrections but well I get in the way every single time.

I call myself trying but where has trying got me... No where! I've been on a track seeking success, status, and wealth but on the way to that destination I took a detour to well love... I thought that I was going to end up happily married and settled with 3 children, a home, and a dog and a vacation home.

But instead, I continue to reach certain levels of success but then I just refuse to keep going... WHY... Because I'm tired of building and experiencing success or life alone! Every single BONE in my body cries out to GOD! Lord, do you here me! Are you watching over Me?

Its a daily battle of the mind, a flat out WAR! Over much more than my current love interest but its a WAR over my SOUL. The torment that I feel is almost overwhelming at times. It is then I try to quiet the voice of reason and the words from my childhood telling me to Look to God. But how do you trust a God who has allowed you to endure so much pain, so much tragedy, so much emptiness, so much stress, so much pressure...

How do you trust a God who just seems to allow you to destroy your life time and again. Then I had to realize it wasn't and isn't God who is the problem.. Actually its only by the grace of God that I am still alive... Yes I maybe wounded and scared emotionally but I'm still hear. I have yet another day and another opportunity to be whole... rather than completed by a man...

Lord this is my prayer... I love you and I give you my heart, mind, and soul today...

Your Daughter Miss Mocha