Acceptance vs. Approval

*Exploring the dynamics that occur between parents and adult children and the shift from childhood, to teenager, to adult...

I am choosing to write on this topic because its one that near and dear to my heart. There is a vast difference between APPROVAL and ACCEPTANCE. I'm going to be addressing these words within the context of parental relationships. I want to emphasize that my feelings on this topic are in no way a reflection of my relationship with my parents. However, I felt driven to write on this topic so here it goes...

For some reason people I feel are confused by my pleasant, easy going nature. They feel that my character or personality disposition makes me some how an easy target for words of life direction. My frustration is that even though these older adults might feel that they are giving me sound advice they don't give it like advice. They mostly give what I would characterize as criticism but it wouldn't be in the positive characterization. So I'm often baffled at the nerve of people to tell me how they think I should live my life. Now I'm not one to subscribe to the ideology that I know it all. However I am of the opinion that unless I ask for advice then I don't feel its necessary to get advice.

Also, I find myself quite speechless when people want to give me advice on a particular area that I feel they have no expertise in. For example, people LOVE giving me relationship and financial advice. But these same people with all the "advice" to give their life doesn't reflect the "wisdom" that they are in fact trying to impart to me. So yea, I'm often like what do you look like... being over weight giving me advice on health and wellness!

Its especially frustrating when dealing with loved ones on this touchy topic because for some reason family members often feel like they have the right to say whatever to you because they are family. I often find myself biting my tongue to keep from being disrespectful to my elders. I am amazed at how often people with all types of personal life issues are the ones usually to willing to give their opinion on how you should live your life. I mean don't get me wrong I appreciate when I am warned of potential pitfalls but my issue occurs when the topic is still pursued even when I have clearly communicated that I personally don't foresee my "situation" to be a "pit fall". That's when I become frustrated because I'm thinking clearly we aren't going to agree on this particular topic so stop beating me over the head with ideologies that are contrary to what I believe and have found to be true in my life.

There was a time when I earnestly sought the approval of my parents. However, now that idea has totally shifted. I still respect them as my parents but I no longer seek their approval I simply want their acceptance. I can't tell you the last time I truly felt loved and accepted by my family. I often feel that if I live my life in accordance to what they may feel they want me to then I have their approval for a short time. But its short lived!

My problem is that until recently I was truly bothered by the fact that not everyone in my family approved of me and my life decisions. But now I've come to embrace the concept that I can't make everyone happy. Nor do I want to attempt to make everyone happy. I am 27 years old and just now discovering how to become totally comfortable in my own skin and confident in my decision making process. Sure I make mistakes from time to time. But who doesn't! My thing is this just because I choose to live my life in a way that one might not approve of that doesn't mean that my life is in contradiction to what God's plan is for my life. I get so tired of others telling what God has told them in regards to how I should live or operate a particular area of my life. I often think to myself well if that's the case why doesn't God come and tell me about such and such. Why would he send a person who has never been in a nurturing successful relationship to give advice to me on relationships?

I'm also tired of others portraying or projecting themselves to be "oh so holy" in their lifestyle. Like they've been there all their lives when in fact they were a wild youth then teenager then young adult. But then suddenly they have a turn around spiritually then they want to shove down my neck how I should live. I personally think that's CRAZY to put it mildly.

Also when I ask for advice that doesn't mean that I haven't already come up with a solution to the issue. In most cases, that means I want to compare my conclusion to your advice to see how much of a similarity there is.

I feel that I'm learning so much about myself at this time in my life and I'd appreciate the space from everyone to continue on my journey of self discovery!