I'm going to be very honest and write about one of the biggest insecurities that I have about myself. It's my BROWN Mocha skin. To understand my mindset you have to go back to the origins or my mindset or worldview. Ok, lets start at worldview... My worldview is the result of my grandparents for the most part. So starting with my Dad's side. His Mother is HIGH YELLOW or what was considered COLORED! His Dad was MOCHA hailing originally from the Beautiful Island of Trinidad! On my Mom's side there's my Grandma who is Milk Chocolate or MILK MOCHA. Then my Granddad on my Mom's side is also Milk Chocolate or MILK MOCHA hailing originally from New Orleans. Now you must know that in the cultural environment that I grew up in I figured that EVERYONE came from a similar background or that everyone was just as culturally diverse as myself! WRONG....
So I grew up in a family and a CITY that always felt that LIGHT and BRIGHT was just right. So being that I clearly am not Bright or light I always felt less than... Especially at certain family gatherings... Moving on to my years at Andrews University I discovered for the first time that my BROWN SKIN was something that was unique, beautiful, and yes me I was Hott even though I wasn't BRIGHT! You have to understand this was quite a concept for me! Even though my immediate family especially my Dad and Mom tried to in steal in me that it was what was inside that mattered most I secretly HATED the skin that I was born in. I used to stare at my Light Cousins and think to myself GOD WHY wasn't I born that way... WHY did my Dad have to genetically pass down the BROWN SKIN to me...
I'm clearly other with that stage for the most part but I still sometimes have insecure feelings about myself and my beauty because well I've been brainwashed from childhood to believe that if I marry light then that would be JUST right! So I used to gravitate towards any guy that fit the BILL I thought the BRIGHT light BOYS was were it was especially genetically speaking! I wanted to insure a BRIGHT future for my future children so I looked for LIGHT guys you know the Pretty Boys!
The BIBLE says then when I was a child I spoke as a child and so on.... But NOW I am a GROWN WOMAN who has lived long enough to learn a few things. First of all I have nothing against my light BROTHERS I think that they are still Hott and fine as ever! HOWEVER.... I now KNOW that men who are BLESSED with that DARK Chocolate Skin have had to overcome challenges, barriers, and challenges that other light skinned guys haven't had the opportunity to experience at ALL. So don't get me wrong while the light Men are nice to look at and will guarantee you a baby that I can use baby oil and water to slick back the hair is great. The thing is I know how to do corn rolls but TRUTH is I didn't want that to be my only alternative and I'm defiantly not going to relax any of the curls or kinks out of my future child's hair! I'm going to teach her that her beauty comes from God and from her family history!
I gravitate towards men like my Dad. Men who are street smart but who have turned their lives over to God! I like Men who have been though a struggle because that makes me feel safe! I felt the safety and security and just presence of my Dad growing up. I saw how the women looked at my Dad back then with all his DARK SKIN and all his LONG Black Hair! As the girls say now days... THAT'S what's up! It's totally contrary to EVERYTHING for a Black Man my Dad's Completion to have LONG hair BUT hey... Thanks to a mixture of culture I have been blessed and not CURSED with my hair and with my DAD'S MOCHA Skin! My Boo just like my Dad has countless skills and knowledge! He's had to learn by living life and my experiencing pain and rejection from those that he loves most... HIS FAMILY... It might be hard to read but it's the TRUTH... As they say the TRUTH HURTS... This is one of those times...
My Baby like my Dad has made it against all ODDS he is making his place and taking his stand in his family, community, and in my life. Sure he has some scars from life but I love those scars because I know and understand what he's had to deal with first hand from what I saw my Dad experience when he went to the bank for example. Or when my Dad got harassed by the police simply because my Dad was driving while BLACK in NICE cars in certain neighborhoods in the Metro Detroit area. And like my Dad he has had to endure the constant negativity of EVERYONE from his family to his so called homies... He is a stronger Man because of what he has had to overcome and that's one of the many reasons why I love and support him so deeply. Yes it might have made more since for me to fall in love with someone who was similar to me in background or religion but the fact is that's not who I fell in love with. The men in the church while nice, they didn't step up to the plate...
So Hey all I can say is that THEY missed out on the woman that I am and the WOMAN that I'm going to become! It's not my job or my role to look for a MAN its the job or role of the MAN to first seek God then SEEK after a WOMAN. So for all those who question my loyalty to my Man or who think I could be living a better or easier lifestyle all of them NEED to recognize that I am happy and I am at PEACE within. So I honestly don't care about what others think when it comes to my heart. Those people have NEVER walked in my shoes and weren't there when I had to cry myself to sleep. Feelings of constant rejection, the idea of never EVER measuring up no matter how many accomplishments it's NEVER enough... So all of those people can... well no need to go there I'm sure you can understand where I could go with that but I won't. Especially those who have done me wrong in the past. Yes the past is the past but I'm FAR from stupid so the decision of my future marriage and life I'm praying about and seeking God. I choose to believe that when EVERYONE else turned their BACKS on me with their words or their actions God sent a Dark Skinned Angel by the name of Freeman Smith to come and rescue me from the badness, self doubt, and emptiness that I was back then... But hey that was then this is now...I NO longer am ashamed of my skin! I embrace it totally!!!
So if you look at the EBONY magazines that I posted you will notice that I a few of the men are EXCEPTIONS to the LIGHT skinned RULE which is in my mind soft pretty boys who have no since and womanize.... Clearly our President... President OBAMA is about his family, his money, and running the country! So as you can see he picked a Beautiful, Strong, Ambitious, Dark Chocolate Sister as his WIFE and now she holds the title of not only FIRST Lady of his heart but also FIRST LADY of the NATION! Get this she is a Mocha Woman such as myself!!! So enough said... Like I said Light in the minds of many will ALWAYS be right BUT in my eyes "THE DARKER THE MOCHA the Hotter the Person"! So next time you look at a person who is Mocha think to yourself about all the barriers they had to overcome and in my case achieve by the grace of God!
No matter what color you are my point is that you should love the SKIN that you were born in rather than being embarrassed or ashamed....
All comments are appreciated!
Love you,
The ONE and ONLY Mocha Chick who isn't afraid to speak up and demand respect!
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