The Set Up...

In this posting I'm going to be discussing the danger in how we set up our daughters for heartbreak from the time she is a child.....

From the time that a girl is born she is given a doll to play with. From birth pretty much the concept of being a mother or taking care of a baby is ingrained into the minds of little girls across the world. We are taught to be care takers. 

Then at some point Barbie may or may not be introduced to a girl. If it is then the SET UP is in effect. Welcome to the world of Barbie! Whatever Barbie wants Barbie gets! If she wants accessories, different outfits, gadgets, friends, Men! She thinks of people and things the same way! The same way she buys new shoes or quickly changes a career is the same way she relates to her friends and the men in her life. Simply put whatever I mean WHATEVER or WHOEVER Barbie wants to live in her Barbie world is what happens. This is her reality.

Moving on... Ok so this is the problem with the "Barbie Syndrome" I HAVE it! One of my female friends recently sat me down and told me to write down my friends. I did that and then she asked me how often do I talk with my "friends". Then I said... Um when I want to. Then she laughed and said did you just hear what you said. I said yes... And... And then she said well even though you are a great person who has a HUGE heart. You are a terrible friend. I was flabbergasted! I was like wait! I'm there when people need me or whatever how dare she say I'm not a good friend. Then she said I have all the ingredients to make a wonderful friend cake but I'm missing a few key ingredients... Listening and being Considerate of the needs of others at times when I don't get any kind of emotional gratification. 

Simply put if I don't feel good about doing something for someone or if I feel like they are taking advantage of my friendship I immediately chalk the friendship up as a loss and move on to the next friend. Rather than working out the problem I just leave the issue entirely. This problem has even found itself in my relationship track record. The only thing that's different this time is that my BF recognizes this issue in me and helps me to recognize when I'm doing something inconsiderate. WOW.... right... All this time I thought other folks were the problem come to find out I am the common problem in my relationships and friendships. 

Basically the moment a person stops being an asset to me and starts to pull me down emotionally I Cut them off. Now this can be good and bad. Good in that I'm not allowing others to constantly allow others to rain on my parade. The flip side is that well there are some relationships and friendships that are worth fighting for! Wow what a concept! 

So this is hard for me to admit about myself but like every problem admitting is the first step to addressing the problem. 

In my defense I was raised to look for a certain type of Man to complete my Tasha's world Bubble! I was taught to desire men that look a certain way, graduated from certain educational institutions, belong to a specific religion and tax bracket. The problem is that all of this is one sided. I was essentially an emotional nickel looking for a dime! What a concept. I had the entire package basically except the heart to care! I had been hurt and disappointed to the point that I no longer felt that a Man or friend was worth any of my time or emotional space!

Having a heart of stone is a sad place to be. But I'm happy to say that now that I'm making my way to the other side of this storm I am becoming a better person one step at a time! As many of you know I obsess over being a mother! I know that everything happens in its season but every where I look my peers are pregnant or already have children. I don't worry about having a husband because I know God has already blessed me with my soul mate. So now I watch every toy commercial or diaper commercial with stars in my eyes just like a kid in a candy store. I have names, and outfits, and tutoring, and extra curricular activities already picked out for my future child. That's crazy I know... But in my defense I didn't just land on the planet this way! I was made to believe that I would NEVER be complete as a woman until I became a wife then a mother! 

My biggest struggle is dealing with my friends that are single mothers who are stressed out about their situations who look at their children with regret in their eyes. Who feel like their childhoods were stolen because they had to put the needs of their children before themselves. I have to suck it up and just be there for them and listen to how they can't stand their wild, misbehaved children. I am there to rock the babies to sleep or to get them to eat healthy foods rather than just crackers and cheese. I am there to introduce them to fruits and veggies and to Veggie Tales and Dora the Explorer or to just reading! I'm showing them how its the simple things. If the girls see you as a Mom reading then that's what she will do because she wants to be just like her Mom. 

I'm the one to show them how to have family worship! How to teach their children to fold their hands and pray. How to say the blessing before they eat and prayers before bed. It's me that does all this and why! Well because I get the emotional gratification of lending a helping hand and then I get to feel like I'm helping which makes me feel great! I get to spoil their children as if they were my children and learn what works and what doesn't with them. I know I have so much to learn but hey. I'm willing to learn from other mothers women who have been their and are still doing it. I am reading the parenting magazines, books, blogs, and all of the above. 

I am learning to well be myself and be content with where I am in life rather than always feeling the need to get the newest it thing! That's a concept for me because I LOVE and crave having the new it thing be it a new accessory, purse, or gadget, or sexy Man. God blessed me with a Man who not only is physically pleasing to my eyes but one who understands the growth that I am doing at this point in my life and is willing to have patience with me while I go through all of my many transitions! I pray that God will continue to reveal to me my issues so that I can work towards becoming closer and closer to His image rather than just going through life wondering why I'm alone and isolated. The reason why I often find myself alone is because I now realize I've pushed everyone who cared about me away from me when I was faced with a challenge because I was trying to protect my heart and keep myself from being disappointed.... 

I'm learning and growing at a fast rate... It's true what they say about the 20's being the time of self discovery... Well I'm doing lots of that at this time but I'm also taking a harsh look in the mirror and realizing that there is much left to work on in regards to not only my relationships but mainly the motivation behind my actions....

Then there are the "Gold diggers" or "Hood Rats". Here's my thoughts on these two generalizations. I feel like Gold diggers are simply educated women who have standards who won't settle for broke men. Then the Hood Rats are those women who haven't had the chance to become educated by books but life experience has been her only teacher. These women have been smooth talked by a silver tongued Man with "game" who has talked them right out of her Victoria Secret PINK panties that she got on sale. All the while all her dreams are shattered! She feels like she will never measure up or get any man worth having because now she had not one but several children out of wedlock! All she wanted was her very own Ken Doll to buy her the world, a man who would support, listen, and be the head of her heart! But instead she ended up with a temporary Buzz and a life growing from within that will one day walk in her mother's same footprints unless SOMEONE anyone decides to BREAK the Cycle of brokenness, pain, and emotional despair....  

Where I have options and have the freedom to grow and express myself for fun these women are left to beg, borrow, and spread their legs to get what they have to get for their children. On her face she wears a smile but inside she is a broken woman a woman whose only desire is to be loved and cherished. But instead of waiting for the right Man to find them she feels forced to accept the physical and emotional abuse of her baby Daddy while she works two jobs at minimum wage. The man who beats her and makes her to feel less than a human these are the only arms she had to run to when times get rough. 

Her family has turned their backs on her. The church doesn't reach out to her and her children are left to watch the tears roll down her cheeks as she just tries to swallow her pride by giving up her body so that she can get what she needs to get by from a man who has no hope who steals every smile and glimmer of hope she has in herself. The girl who was once filled with dreams and aspirations is now a shadow of her former self. She is a beautiful shell empty on the inside. There isn't a glimmer of hope or sparkle of hope in her eyes. When you look into her eyes all you see is pain, sadness, and regret. All she wanted was love but now she has to self medicate herself with drinks and drugs to quiet the voices of reason in her mind that tell her she deserves more she deserves better. 

Hm.... food for thought...